1. How does the story being told from the perspective of the grandmother impact your view on who is in the right and who is in the wrong in this situation? Does it make you empathize more with the grandmother?
2. This story presents the issue of the cultural gap that exists within an interracial family, but also presents the issue of the generational gap that exists among many parents and their children, regardless of race. Both are deep-rooted in a lack of communication. Which do you think is easier to triumph?
3. How is it that by the end of the story, John’s brothers are miserable living with their mother, John is depressed without a job, and Natalie is exhausted with nobody to turn to? Do you think the author was trying to prove anything by ending the story with Bess and Sophie’s grandmother as the only two people happy?
4. The grandmother’s parenting style is reminiscent of Amy Chua’s, better known as the “Tiger Mom” who caused controversy earlier in the year, when she wrote a piece for the WSJ titled “Why Chinese Moms are Superior”, revealing the practices of some Chinese parents who raised stereotypically “successful” kids. Both parenting styles are based on strict child rearing to achieve the specific goal at hand. Ultimately, they get their children to achieve the goal, but they completely disregard the child’s self-esteem. Does the effectiveness of this approach make it acceptable? Link to article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html
5. Deciding which parenting techniques work best for your family is a challenge. Naturally, a parent turns to his or her own experiences as a child to decide what techniques worked well and what techniques didn’t work well, just as Natalie did. Natalie and her mother turned out to have opposing views, as is the case among most parents and their children. Did Natalie cross the line of disrespect by kicking her mother out of her house, or was her defending of her family admirable?
Deciding which parenting techniques work best for your family is a challenge. Naturally, a parent turns to his or her own experiences as a child to decide what techniques worked well and what techniques didn’t work well, just as Natalie did. Natalie and her mother turned out to have opposing views, as is the case among most parents and their children. Did Natalie cross the line of disrespect by kicking her mother out of her house, or was her defending of her family admirable?
ReplyDeleteI don’t think that Natalie crossed the line of disrespect by demanding that her mother move out of her apartment. Natalie’s mother had her own ways of raising Sophie, which obviously irritated Natalie and John. The generational and cultural differences were causing arguments between the husband and wife, which weren’t leading to anything good. I don’t believe that parents should live with their grown up children, especially when they are married and already established a new family. Parents tend to impose their advices and believes, which usually is in good faith, but often causes troubles. Parents don’t understand that their married kids have new families and new rules, so the old ways that were practiced in the house when they were little, no longer apply. The new family is composed of two people who compromise two different traditions and lifestyles. This is not always clear for the parents of these newly married couples. Natalie’s example proves my theory of the dangers connected to multi-generational households. Natalie’s mother didn’t want to cause any harm, she just behaved in the ways she believed were proper. Natalie and John did not agree with that. If the grandmother didn’t move the situation could have been even more awkward, leading to a divorce or depression. I think that Natalie made a good decision, which turned out to be positive move for her mother as well. She moved with a person of her age, who shared similar interests and activities. I don’t mean to be respectful, but I believe that people should live with roommates of their age, not their married children. They could live across the street- but not in the same house. It is for the benefit of all sides.
#4) Wow, that was an extremely loaded article, thanks for sharing. I'm kind of on the fence about this brash parenting style. On the one hand I do think that it’s great that her children grew up to be very successful and perhaps they thank her for helping them to succeed, but the principle question is at what cost to the child? I’m not a mother myself so I have no idea what type of parenting technique is most successful, but this tiger-mom style is not only limiting but dangerous to the mental health and well-being of the child. Some of the abuse in that article (more verbal than physical) is so hurtful that I can’t see how it wouldn't be permanently damaging. Just like the grandmother in the story, Chua seemed to constantly justify her actions and profess that she didn’t damage her children’s self-esteem; it began to seem as if she were trying to prove it to herself. Despite the desired outcome, this type of parenting does more harm than good. The child is basically cheated out of a happy carefree childhood and is expected to behave as an adult long before their time. I empathize with the grandmother in the story because the child was acting out and she genuinely didn't know of any other way to handle her. However, it was wrong for her to ignore the mother’s wishes and implement her own parenting style anyway. What I found more disturbing about the grandmothers rationale was her notion that the wild behavior in the child was attributed to her Irish blood. I think that aspect was more insulting than the actual spankings she gave the child.
ReplyDelete1. The Chinese grandmother describes the terrible child's behavior that her parents don't see and she can't do anything about it. For example author described how this sixty-eight old woman was not able to get Sophie out of the foxhole for throwing a shovel full of sand at her nice clean clothes. Another example is when Sophie kicked mommies in the playground and they thought that she is just little girl that doesn't understand what she is doing. I feel sorry for this old lady and it definitely makes me think that she is right in this story.
ReplyDelete1) Since the grandmother is made out to be the villain by her daughter and son in law, hearing the story told from her perspective allows me to have empathy for her. Hearing the grandmother's perspective allows me to better understand her reasoning and thoughts behind her actions, and therefore I am less likely to be judgmental or quick to place blame on her. Seeing that grandmother genuinely has everyone's best interest at heart, makes me feel bad for her because her daughter is too reluctant to take time and see this for herself.
ReplyDeleteIn response to question 1.
ReplyDeleteI don't think this story ever made me feel that I had to pick a side, or that someone was right while the other was wrong. I thought this story did a good job of showing the differences between cultures, and the shift each person made, through the grandmother's perspective. Natalie was raised Chinese, but we see her become more "Americanized" in the sense that she is career oriented, and Sophie is this wild child who appears to have both a Chinese and Irish side, which is interesting that the grandmother acknowledges and/or recognizes Sophie's hyphenated identity. The grandmother's narrative, to me, is what makes this story complex. So it's never about right or wrong, but about understanding where everyone is coming from.
I do empathize with the grandmother, from personal experience, I know that it's hard to see your children and grandchildren grow apart from you (my mom wont stop complaining). But what I also found interesting was how the grandmother's issues with her daughter--not spending time with her, kicking her out of her home, not being supportive, etc--are quiet observations/complaints. It never really goes into the grandmother confronting Natalie about these things, and them having a full blow fight--like we've seen in other texts. Which, to me, shows that the grandmother is supportive because she's always passive with Natalie and agrees with some of the things Natalie says.
I don't feel like the daughter is right to act the way she does, but she does have the right to act that way. But I'm not going to say that it is fair to Natalie of Sophie that the grandmother instill her ideas and methods on them.
5. Deciding which parenting techniques work best for your family is a challenge. Naturally, a parent turns to his or her own experiences as a child to decide what techniques worked well and what techniques didn’t work well, just as Natalie did. Natalie and her mother turned out to have opposing views, as is the case among most parents and their children. Did Natalie cross the line of disrespect by kicking her mother out of her house, or was her defending of her family admirable?
ReplyDeleteI think Natalie crossed the line when she kicked her mother out of her house. She should have had the foresight to predict that her mother would not approve of the ways she was raising Sophie and never let her live in the house with her family from the start. Once she did let her mother into her home, though, kicking her out comes across as disrespectful, even if it is a better living situation for everyone.
I know from personal experience that multi-generational households can be difficult to maintain. Parents can be meddlesome, children can be unintentionally rude, and there will be some disagreements and even fighting. However, I personally feel that no matter how annoying things may be, it is the responsibility of the younger generation to tolerate their elders if they choose to allow them into their home. As the son-in-law, it would be difficult for John to do this, but it is Natalie’s obligation to her mother to mediate the cultural and generational differences and help him manage the living arrangements.
Natalie’s mother did the things that she did out of love, even if it may not seem that way to her daughter. She was trying to help out by babysitting and doing what she thought would make Sophie be a better-behaved child. In an ideal situation, Natalie’s mother would realize the strain her decisions and presence placed on the family and either kept her opinions to herself or left on her own. It is not surprising that she was unwilling to do so because of her stubborn personality, but that does not alleviate her part of the blame either.